Yet we hold ourselves to these standards and agonize over the little mistakes we make.
Thinking that we have 'traumatized' our kids because we lost our cool a couple of times, because we raised our voice during a vulnerable moment of sleep deprivation, or because we even thought about wanting a break from our little ones.
Perhaps as children, we learned that there wasn't space to have a hard time and make mistakes. Now we have grown into adults with unrealistic expectations of ourselves.
The problem with holding ourselves to unrealistic standards, is that we inevitably get into a blame cycle. We may blame ourselves for not being able to 'get it right', blame our children for being 'difficult', or blame our partners for not helping enough.
Circle of Security International says, "Blame is a dead end street". Blame actually blocks us from opportunities for growth and repair.
When we instead have realistic expectations, and understand that mistakes and ruptures are part of being a human and part of parenting, we can instead focus on the repair.
Repair says, "Hey, you're not going to get this right all of the time, and that's okay, because this is an opportunity to reflect and do it a little better the next time".
Remember, you are showing your child what it means to be human, which means making mistakes, dusting ourselves off, and trying again (*cue Aaliyah music).
To get tools and support to help you meet your parenting goals, head to babiesandbrains.com
This post originally appeared on the @babiesandbrains Instagram account, and it has been published here with permission.
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